I'm seriously so sick of not being able to be myself. Not that I'm saying I'm fake. It's just that, when I'm by my friends, or family, they make me feel happy. Being around them makes me forget about reality and my life and basically how depressing it is and how depressed I might be. I just forget about it and have a good time. Although this may be good, it's just been going on too long. SO, I'm feeling worse now. I realized I need to try and not act like I'm happy when I'm really not. So today I guess it worked. My mom said I was grumpy and was having a bad attitude. BUT...I don't want anyone to think that. I want them to think there's someone wrong and help me. It's so complicated. I explain this...and I think to myself, how dumb!!! So you probably think that. I have no clue about my life. It's ridiculous. Maybe that's what's so depressing?